


Haunting

by miss_aligned



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mass Effect 3, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-07-10 15:01:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6990175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_aligned/pseuds/miss_aligned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard experienced a bit more trauma than anyone had realized as a result of the confrontation between the geth and the quarians on the dreadnought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Haunting

“EDI, where is the Major?” Garrus quietly asked as he watched Shepard disappear behind the doors of the elevator. Upon arrival back aboard the Normandy, she’d immediately shed her armor and left all of her gear in a pile on the floor of the shuttle bay, walking off without a word. There was an unusual stiffness in her gait that hinted at a problem, though it didn’t appear to be physical in nature.

“After reporting in with a headache earlier today, he retreated to the captain’s cabin and has not yet emerged,” came the familiar voice and all-knowing response.

The turian merely hummed in answer, clearly unsure of how, or if, he should respond to the commander’s bizarre behavior. Shepard had gone strangely quiet after their mission on the geth dreadnought. Tali had been watching also, but neither of them had made a move to stop or question her. She typically had a good reason for doing anything, after all. It was absolutely possible that Shepard had something important to address that could not possibly wait. It was, of course, also highly likely that she was on her way to punch a quarian admiral straight in the face over what they just pulled.

It was probably best to let Shepard handle whatever she needed to handle.

The commander, meanwhile, scrubbed her hands over her face and up through her hair as she stared at the floor of the elevator. Her heart was still pounding at an alarming rate and her skin felt clammy. It wasn’t a reaction to being fired on by so-called allies as she and her team had just experienced. Not entirely, at least.

It took a moment for her to realize that the doors had opened, lost in thought as she was. She remained there, absently biting at her thumbnail as she stared blankly at the floor, unaware of anything around her. She suddenly blinked herself back to the present and stepped forward, deftly tapping the control panel near the door to her cabin as the passed it by. When the door closed again behind her with a quiet hiss, she exhaled, unknowingly allowing her shoulders to slump and her head to fall.

Sometimes this work was just too much.

The commander glanced around, taking note of the dim lighting of the cabin. A weak smile spread across her lips as her eyes adjusted and she noted the large, blanket covered lump in the center of her bed. As much as she hated that he had a migraine, she was so very thankful that he was there.

Slowly, Shepard crept forward. While she wanted to avoid startling or waking Kaidan, she wanted, no, _needed_ to get closer. Part of her simply intended to check up on him and make sure that he wasn’t in too much pain. Another part of her desperately desired contact. She silently kicked off her boots and scooted under the covers next to him.

Kaidan instinctively turned over towards her as her weight gently shifted the bed nearby, though it was clear that he was not fully awake. His brow was not tightly knit with pain, which was a relief to the already anxious commander. She grazed his jaw with her fingers, stroking up and through his hair with feather-light touches. While he wasn’t entirely aware, he hummed in appreciation, brought an arm up, and wound it around her waist as she settled with her back against the headboard. They remained that way for several minutes, silent as she gently stroked over his temple and through dark strands.

A dreamy smile crept across his lips as he began to wake and his eyes slowly fluttered open. When he finally looked up at her, however, she was vacantly staring ahead, seemingly unaware. He moved the hand that rested on her opposite hip and caught hers, turning his head and pressing a kiss to her palm. Only then did he seem to realize that she was shaking.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Kaidan asked, his voice still gravelly with sleep.

Called out of her reverie, her gaze slowly shifted to land on him. The question hadn’t fully registered in her mind and she didn’t formulate an answer quickly enough. Despite his obvious, though now lessened, discomfort, he shifted to sit up beside her to talk.

Shepard smirked, smoothing out the wayward curls left as a result of his sleep. Again, Kaidan took hold of her hand to still her movements, gently rubbing it between his own as though it would be enough to put a stop to the trembling.

“Rough mission,” the commander finally choked, staring at her hand nearly hidden between his.

“So I guessed. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there, but I would have been more of a burden than a blessing with that headache. Tell me what happened.” She could hear the concern in his tone. She responded by burying her distress under a guise of nonchalance.

“Oh, you know how it goes. Board a geth dreadnought, no windows, yadda-yadda. Get shot at by crazy synths, disable things, find Legion, nearly get destroyed by quarians. Typical Tuesday.”

“Wait. Nearly destroyed by quarians? They fired at the ship? While you were on it?” There was a subtle shift in his voice, moving from disbelief to anger as he put together the pieces in his mind.

“Don’t worry, I’ll talk to them about it. Or scream. Whatever.” The joke was betrayed by the waver in her voice.

Kaidan’s eyes narrowed as he looked at her. Though he was still blinking sleep away and it was apparent that the ache in his head hadn’t fully dissolved, he was ignoring it all to evaluate what was happening with her. “That wasn’t the problem,” he rather definitively concluded. “What’s wrong?”

Shepard remained silent for what seemed like an eternity. She felt foolish for crumbling over what really was nothing. Her reaction had been instinctive, her fear deeply ingrained, and her torment overwhelming. While she knew that he wouldn’t mock her for it, she didn’t want to admit it aloud, like somehow that would mean that she’d failed to be the hero everyone wanted her to be.

He reached for her, wiping a tear from her cheek that she hadn’t realized had fallen. When she locked eyes with him, worry was clearly written all over his features. Kaidan said nothing. He simply waited. She simultaneously admired and cursed his ability to read her and respond, especially when the reaction was quiet patience.

He pulled her gently towards him, wrapping muscular arms around her back and pressing her firmly against his bare torso. Secure and pleasant as it felt, it did little to calm the continued trembling of her body. His chest rumbled as he reassured her. “You don’t have to explain if you don’t want to.”

She slowly shifted, wrapping her arms around him and returning the gesture. She’d intended to check up on him, to make sure that he was recovering well and here she was, waking him up and stealing all of his attention at an inopportune time. She should have dealt with her fears some other way. The guilt over it served merely as a method to fuel more tears.

They stayed that way, intertwined and silent, for quite some time before Shepard finally found the words to begin explaining her unusual anguish.

“I was scared for a minute there,” she said, marveling at how odd it sounded beyond the confines of her mind where she could hide it away. “The dreadnought was being blasted by the quarian fleet. We were running, and there were explosions all around us. The gravity went out and…”

She trailed off, unable to continue explaining due to the many memories flooding her mind. She sobbed quietly against his skin, appreciative of the support but ashamed of her childlike fear.

“It was like the Collector ship destroying the Normandy.” Kaidan concluded, understanding all too well what was going through her mind.

“It’s stupid, I know.” She couldn’t help the wave of terror that had washed over her the moment the gravity dissipated. She’d nearly fainted as her mind melded the present with the past, flashing images of her death before her eyes. Pain, fear, desperation, and regret were all revisited in the span of seconds on the geth dreadnought, and she could hardly believe she’d managed to delay the meltdown until now.

“No,” he quietly replied, rubbing his hand soothingly across her back. “It’s not stupid. It’s not weakness. It’s only natural.”

“I couldn’t focus. I was too wrapped up in thinking that I was dying all over again.”

He kissed the top of her head, probably mulling over her words and trying to find the right response. So far, he was doing alarmingly well, in her opinion. It was a testament to how well he knew her and how much he cared.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you through it.”

She sighed, a calmness slowly seeping through her skin and into her bones, no doubt originating from him, his words, and his tight embrace. Despite her waning terror, a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. She was a lucky woman, and she knew it.

“You are. Thanks.”


End file.
